Safety Planning - Safe Haven

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Safety Planning For Domestic Violence

In An Emergency

If you are at home & you are being threatened or attacked:

Stay away from the kitchen (the abuser can find weapons, like knives, there)
Stay away from bathrooms, closets or small spaces where the abuser can trap you
Get to a room with a door or window to escape
Get to a room with a phone to call for help; lock the abuser outside if you can
Call 911 (or your local emergency number) right away for help; get the dispatcher's name
Think about a neighbor or friend you can run to for help
If a police officer comes, tell him/her what happened; get his/her name & badge number
Get medical help if you are hurt
Take pictures of bruises or injuries
Call a domestic violence program or shelter (Safe Haven of Pike County 570-296-HELP); ask them to help you make a safety plan

Be Prepared to Get Away

Keep the following with someone you trust: a spare set of keys, a set of clothes, important papers, prescriptions, and some money, food stamps, checkbook, credit cards, pay stubs, birth certificates and other ID for you and your children, drivers license, and other photo identification, Social Security card or green card/work permit, health insurance cards, deed or lease to your house or apartment, any court papers or orders, change of clothes for you and your children.
Save any evidence of physical abuse (ripped clothes, photos of bruises, and injuries, etc.).
Plan the safest time to get away.
Know where you can go for help. Tell someone what is happening to you. Have the phone numbers of friends, relatives, and domestic violence programs with you.
Call the police if you are in danger and need help.
If you are injured go to a hospital emergency room or doctor and report what has happened to you. Ask that they document your visit. Ask them to take pictures of your injuries/bruises.
Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them: a room with a lock, or a neighbor’s house where they can go for help. Reassure them that it is their job to stay safe, so that you don’t have to worry about them.
Arrange a signal with a neighbor (such as, if there is a porch light on, call the police).
Contact a local domestic violence hotline to find out about laws, the shelters, and other resources available to you before you have to use them.

How To Keep Your Children Safer

Teach them not to get in the middle of a fight, even if they want to help
Teach them how to get to safety, to call 911, to give your address & phone number to the police
Teach them who to call for help
Tell them to stay out of the kitchen
Give the principal at school or the daycare center a copy of your court order; tell them not to release your children to anyone without talking to you first; use a password so they can be sure it is you on the phone; give them a photo of the abuser
Make sure the children know who to tell at school if they see the abuser
Make sure that the school knows not to give your address or phone number to ANYONE

How to Protect Yourself Outside the Home

Change your regular travel habits
Try to get rides with different people
Shop and bank in a different place
Cancel any bank accounts or credit cards you shared; open new accounts at a different bank
Keep your court order and emergency numbers with you at all times
Keep a cell phone & program it to 911 (or other emergency number)

How to Make Yourself Safer at Work

Keep a copy of your court order at work
Give a picture of the abuser to security and friends at work
Tell your supervisors - see if they can make it harder for the abuser to find you
Don't go to lunch alone
Ask a security guard to walk you to your car or to the bus
If the abuser calls you at work, save voice mails and save e-mails
Your employer may be able to help you find community resources

How to Be Safer at the Courthouse

Sit as far away from the abuser as you can; you don't have to look at or talk to the abuser; you don't have to talk to the abuser's family or friends if they are there
Bring a friend or relative with you to wait until your case is heard
Tell a bailiff or sheriff that you are afraid of the abuser and ask him/her to look out for you
Make sure you have your court order before you leave
Ask the judge or the sheriff to keep the abuser there for a while when court is over; leave quickly
If you think the abuser is following you when you leave, call the police immediately
If you have to travel to another State for work or to get away from the abuser, take your protection order with you; it is valid everywhere

Safe Haven Will Help You Develop Your Own Personalized Safety Plan
Call 570-296-HELP

Safety Planning For Sexual Assault

What is Sexual Assault?

Sexual assault takes many forms including attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person's body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person's consent. Some types of sexual acts which fall under the category of sexual assault include forced sexual intercourse (rape), sodomy (oral or anal sexual acts), child molestation, incest, fondling and attempted rape. Sexual assault in any form is a devastating crime. Assailants can be strangers, acquaintances, friends, or family members. Assailants commit sexual assault by way of violence, threats, coercion, manipulation, pressure or tricks. Whatever the circumstances, no one asks or deserves to be sexually assaulted.

What is Acquaintance Rape?

Acquaintance rape is a sexual assault by an individual known to the victim. Another term "date rape" is a sexual assault by an individual with whom the victim has a "dating" relationship and the sexual assault occurs in the context of this relationship. Many of these rapes are violent, and all are coercive in nature.

What is Stalking?

Stalking is a pattern of repeated, unwanted attention, harassment, and contact. It is a course of conduct that can include:

Following or laying in wait for the victim
Repeated unwanted, intrusive, and frightening communications from the perpetrator by phone, mail, and/or e-mail
Damaging the victim's property
Making direct or indirect threats to harm the victim, the victim's children, relatives, friends, or pets
Repeatedly sending the victim unwanted gifts
Harassment through the Internet, known as cyberstalking, online stalking, or Internet stalking
Securing personal information about the victim by: accessing public records (land records, phone listings, driver or voter registration), using Internet search services, hiring private investigators, contacting friends, family, work, or neighbors, going through the victim's garbage, following the victim, etc.

As with any violent crime, there’s nothing you can do to guarantee that you will not be a victim of sexual violence. But there are many steps you can take to help reduce your risk of being assaulted.

How to reduce your risk

Avoid Dangerous Situations

Be aware of your surroundings. Knowing where you are and who is around you may help you to find a way to get out of a bad situation.
Try to avoid isolated areas. It is more difficult to get help if no one is around.
Walk with purpose. Even if you don’t know where you are going, act like you do.
Trust your instincts. If a situation or location feels unsafe or uncomfortable, it probably isn’t the best place to be.
Try not to load yourself down with packages or bags as this can make you appear more vulnerable.
Make sure your cell phone is with you and charged and that you have cab money.
Don't allow yourself to be isolated with someone you don’t trust or someone you don’t know.
Avoid putting music headphones in both ears so that you can be more aware of your surroundings, especially if you are walking alone.

If Someone is Pressuring You

If someone is pressuring you to engage in sexual activity, it is important to remember that being in this situation is not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong, it is the person who is making you uncomfortable who is to blame. If you need to get out of an uncomfortable or scary situation here are some things that you can try:

Trust your instincts. Don’t feel obligated to do anything you don’t want to. “I don’t want to” is always a good enough reason.
Be true to yourself. Do what feels right to you and what you are comfortable with.
Have a code word with your friends or family so that if you don’t feel comfortable you can call them and communicate your discomfort without the person you are with knowing. Your friends or family can then come to get you or make up an excuse for you to leave.
Lie. If you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings it is better to lie and make up a reason to leave than to stay and be uncomfortable, scared, or worse. Some excuses you could use are: needing to take care of a friend or family member, not feeling well, having somewhere else that you need to be, etc.
Try to think of an escape route. How would you try to get out of the room? Where are the doors? Windows? Are there people around who might be able to help you? Is there an emergency phone nearby?
If you and/or the other person have been drinking, you can say that you would rather wait until you both have your full judgment.

In a Social Situation

When you go to a party, go with a group of friends. Arrive together, check in with each other and leave together.
Practice safe drinking. Try not to leave any beverages unattended or accept drinks from someone you don’t know or trust.
Have a buddy system. Don’t be afraid to let a friend know if something is making you uncomfortable or if you are worried about your or your friend’s safety.
If someone you don’t know or trust asks you to go somewhere alone, let him or her know that you would rather stay with the group.
Be aware of your surroundings. Knowing where you are and who is around you may help you to find a way out of a bad situation.

Safety Planning in a Rural Community

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted or is in an abusive relationship, there are things to consider when thinking about safety. It may be helpful to create a safety plan or to think about some ways to stay and feel safer. Depending on where you live, there may be unique circumstances to think about.
In rural communities, there are fewer services that provide support for victims of sexual assault and dating and domestic violence. It can also be a challenge to maintain privacy due to the small community size.

Things to think about:

How to get away if there is an emergency

Be conscious of exits or other escape routes
Think about options for transportation (car, bus, train, etc.)

Who can help

Friends, family
Support centers such as Safe Haven of Pike County 570-296-HELP
National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE(4673), the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline or, if you are in a dating or domestic violence situation, the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1.800.799.SAFE(7233)

Where to go

Friend’s house
Relative’s house
A domestic violence or homeless shelter
The police (even if the police know both you and the perpetrator—they are still responsible for doing their job).
Important: If the dangerous situation involves a partner, go to the police or a shelter first.

Traveling Safety:
If you need to get away and there is no public transportation in your area, try to find someone who will allow you to use his or her car if you do not have one at your disposal.

Driving

Keep your doors locked
Have extra car necessities (oil, jumper cables, etc.)
Try not to wait until the last minute to fill your gas tank; always keep it half-way full if you can
Have your keys ready when you go to unlock your car
Plan your route and know what “safe” places are on it (police stations, hospitals, etc.)

Home Safety:

Change the locks on doors and windows
Keep your doors locked, even when you are at home
Install a security system
Install outside lighting system (with motion detectors)
Do not prop doors
Close blinds/curtains at night
Keep car doors locked, even in your own driveway

Tips to Remember:

KEEP CASH WITH YOU at all times
KEEP CASH ACCESSIBLE just in case you need to use a pay phone
MEMORIZE ALL IMPORTANT NUMBERS/have important numbers easily accessible on your cell phone (if you have one)
ESTABLISH A CODE WORD so that family, friends, etc. know when to call for help
Have a BACKUP PLAN in case the first fails
Carry a SMALL NOISEMAKER (like a whistle) and/or flashlight on your keychain
BE AWARE of your routine and try to alter it sometimes, if possible
Have an extra copy of KEYS
Try to KEEP IN CONTACT with people/organizations who are helping you
TRUST YOUR GUT. If you don‘t feel comfortable in a situation, LEAVE.
BE IN CHARGE OF YOUR OWN LIFE. Don’t put yourself into a situation where you have to rely on other people to take care of you. Also, when on a date, don’t feel you “owe” that person anything.
BE CAUTIOUS INVITING SOMEONE INTO YOUR HOME OR GOING TO SOMEONE ELSE’S HOME. Three out of five sexual assaults occur in the victim’s home or the home of an acquaintance.
DO NOT MIX SEXUAL DECISIONS WITH DRUGS OR ALCOHOL. Your ability to make smart decisions is hampered when you are high or drunk.
WHEN GOING OUT WITH SOMEONE NEW, DON’T FEEL YOU HAVE TO GO ALONE. Go on a group date or meet in a public place.
BE AWARE OF DATE RAPE DRUGS. Don’t accept beverages from open containers and don’t leave your drink unattended.
WALK NEAR THE CURB. Avoid passing close to shrubbery, dark doorways, or other places of concealment.
AVOID FALLING FOR LINES SUCH AS “If you Loved me…” If your partner loved you, she/he would respect your feelings and wait until you are ready.
USE ONLY WELL LIT ENTRENCES. If you notice an entrance without appropriate lighting, notify your landlord or a maintenance person.

Avoid Individuals Who:

Don’t listen to you
Ignore personal space boundaries
Make you feel guilty or accuse you of being “uptight” for resisting sexual advances
Express sexist attitudes and jokes
Acts jealous or possessive

When NO doesn't work:

Sometimes, saying “NO” will not stop a rape. Thinking about what you would do before an assault ever happens can be your best self-defense strategy.
ACT IMMEDIATELY. Trust your intuition and get away, if possible. Don’t give in to a person’s sexual demands in the hope that you can divert him/her later on.
STAY CALM. Try to think clearly about all your options. Your brain is your best weapon.
PASSIVE RESISTANCE. You may be able to discourage the attacker by talking. Persuade him/her not to commit the assault by making him/her see you as a friend.
ACTIVE RESISTANCE. If you are not afraid to hurt someone, hit and kick HARD – this gives you the opportunity to escape. However, fighting back may anger the attacker and cause him/her to attack more brutally.
SUBMITTING. Do what ever you have to do to keep yourself safe. If you feel your life is in danger, your best option may be to submit. Submitting does not mean you consented.

Finding Ways to Heal:

Talk to friends and others who you find are supportive
Find a therapist who can help you work on sexual abuse healing
Seek out a local therapy group for survivors of sexual abuse
Join a self-help group that deals with abuse issues
Consider writing, painting, drawing, singing, playing an instrument and other expressive techniques which can help you explore you feelings and experiences

Did You Know:

Anyone can be sexually assaulted – Male or Female, rich or poor, young or old
You are more likely to be assaulted by a friend, classmate, date, relative, neighbor or co-worker than by a stranger in a dark alley.

The Best Way to Help Someone Is:

Stay Calm
Believe the person
Help the person decide weather to report
Suggest going to a hospital
Help the person find counseling
DO NOT GOSSIP

Remember, It's not your fault:

Sexual assault is never your fault. Offenders use sex as a weapon to control others – it is a serious crime.
Dressing sexy or drinking too much is NOT a crime.
Walking alone or asking someone into your bedroom is NOT a crime.
Being afraid to say no is NOT a crime.
Sexual assault IS always a crime. What happened is not your fault.

Safe Haven of Pike County is Here to Help You!

Call 570-296-HELP and ask to speak to a trained crisis worker.

WARNING
How an abuser can discover your internet activities

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E-mail:
If an abuser has access to your email account, he or she may be able to read your incoming and outgoing mail. If you believe your account is secure, make sure you choose a password he or she will not be able to guess.
If an abuser sends you threatening or harassing email messages, they may be printed and saved as evidence of this abuse. Additionally, the messages may constitute a federal offense. For more information on this issue, contact your local United States Attorney's Office.

History/Cache Files
If an abuser knows how to read your computer's history or cache file (automatically saved web pages and graphics), he or she may be able to see information you have viewed recently on the internet.

You can clear your history or empty your cache file in your browser's settings.*

Stay safe by deleting your internet browser history and cookies. Please use the following steps, depending on your browser, to learn how to safely remove traces of your internet browsing.

Deleting your internet usage history

Internet Explorer 6.x - Windows

1. Within IE, go to Tools | Internet Options.
2. Click Delete Cookies.
3. Click OK.

Internet Explorer 7.x - Windows

1. Within IE, go to Tools | Internet Options.
2. Click on the General tab and then click the Delete... button.
3. Click the Delete cookies button.
4. Click the Yes button.
5. Then click the Close button, followed by the OK button.

Internet Explorer - Mac

1. On a Classic OS machine, go to Edit | Preferences. On OS X go to Explorer | Preferences.
2. Expand the Receiving Files option on the left if it isn’t already.
3. Click Cookies.
4. In the box that displays all the cookies on the machine, click once to select one, and then press Command-A to select all.
5. Click Delete.
6. Click OK.

Netscape 7.x/Mozilla - Windows

1. Within Netscape, go to Tools | Cookie Manager | Manage Stored Cookies.
2. Click Remove All Cookies.

Netscape 7.x/Mozilla - Mac

1. Within Netscape, go to Tools | Cookie Manager | Manage Stored Cookies.
2. Click Remove All Cookies.
3. Click OK.

Firefox 1.5 - Windows

1. Open Firefox and go to Tools | Options.
2. Click Privacy.
3. View the "Cookies" tab and click the Clear Cookies Now (older versions of Firefox are very similar to these instructions).

Firefox 2.x - Windows

1. Open Firefox and go to Tools | Options.
2. Click Privacy.
3. Click the "Show Cookies" button and then click the Remove All Cookies button.

Firefox 3.x - Windows

1. Open Firefox and go to Tools | Options.
2. Click Privacy.
3. Click the "Show Cookies" button and then click the Remove All Cookies button.

Firefox 1.5 - Mac

1. Open Firefox and go to Firefox | Preferences.
2. Click Privacy.
3. View the "Cookies" tab and click the Clear Cookies Now (older versions of Firefox are very similar to these instructions).

Firefox 2.x - Mac

1. Open Firefox and go to Firefox | Preferences.
2. Click Privacy.
3. Click the "Show Cookies" button and then click the Remove All Cookies button.

Firefox 3.x - Mac

1. Open Firefox and go to Firefox | Preferences.
2. Click Privacy.
3. Click the "Show Cookies" button and then click the Remove All Cookies button.

Safari 2.x, 3.x

1. Open Safari and go to Safari | Preferences.
2. Click Security.
3. Click Show Cookies.
4. Click Remove All.
* This information may not completely hide your tracks. Many browser types have features that display recently visited sites. The safest way to find information on the internet, would be at a local library, a friend's house, or at work.

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